An empty television interview studio. Two chairs face each other across a low desk with two untouched glasses of water. A grey suit jacket hangs on the back of one chair. On the wall behind them is an office clock with its hands removed.

The Appropriate Time

Written by urbanwronski

With gratitude to John Clarke and Bryan Dawe. Clarke plays a senior government spokesman. Dawe asks the questions.

DAWE: Thanks for your time.

CLARKE: Good to be here.

DAWE: You’re a senior government spokesman on the Middle East.

CLARKE: I am. I’m across the whole region. Well, not across it. Near it.

DAWE: Twelve countries have signed a statement on trade with Israeli settlements in the West Bank.

CLARKE: They have, and we congratulate them. Terrific effort.

DAWE: Australia didn’t sign.

CLARKE: No, but we were very much part of the process.

DAWE: Which part?

CLARKE: The early part. We were there right through the part before the signing. That’s the most important part. Anyone can sign.

DAWE: Why didn’t Australia sign?

CLARKE: Practical challenges.

DAWE: What were they?

CLARKE: Well, the main one was the signing.

DAWE: The Foreign Minister said the government was worried about unintended consequences for Australian businesses, for Palestinians and for Israelis.

CLARKE: That’s right. We’re worried about everybody.

DAWE: In that order.

CLARKE: It’s alphabetical.

DAWE: It isn’t.

CLARKE: It is in the Australian alphabet. A for Australian. You start at home.

DAWE: The Palestinian Authority supported the ban.

CLARKE: And we have enormous respect for that.

DAWE: So why not do it?

CLARKE: Because it might hurt Palestinians.

DAWE: They asked for it.

CLARKE: Exactly. And that’s what worries us. People ask for all sorts of things. You can’t just go around giving people what they ask for. Where would it end?

DAWE: Israel is offering settlement companies up to 200,000 shekels each to find new markets.

CLARKE: Well, there you go. They’ve got it in hand.

DAWE: Israel’s ambassador called Australia’s decision “a wise decision.”

CLARKE: Very gratifying. You don’t get that kind of feedback from everybody.

DAWE: The Palestinian Authority didn’t say that.

CLARKE: No, well, they’re not across the detail.

DAWE: The government says it is pursuing targeted measures instead.

CLARKE: Very targeted. Extremely targeted.

DAWE: What’s the target?

CLARKE: Illegal settlements and settler violence.

DAWE: And the measures?

CLARKE: That’s the second half. You don’t rush the second half. You get the target right first, then the measures. Otherwise you’re just measuring things.

DAWE: When will we know what they are?

CLARKE: Not at this time.

DAWE: When?

CLARKE: No, that’s the when. “At this time” is the time. We’re just not doing it then.

DAWE: So when will you do it?

CLARKE: At a time that isn’t this one.

DAWE: Which one?

CLARKE: A later one. They’re very reliable, later times. There’s always another one coming.

DAWE: The International Court of Justice says states must take steps to prevent trade or investment relations that help maintain the illegal situation.

CLARKE: And we are taking steps.

DAWE: What steps?

CLARKE: Backward, mainly, at this stage. You need a run-up.

DAWE: Apartments in West Bank settlements have been marketed to investors at events in Sydney and Melbourne.

CLARKE: Have they? Whereabouts?

DAWE: Ma’ale Adumim. Efrat. The Gush Etzion bloc.

CLARKE: No, whereabouts in Sydney?

DAWE: Does that matter?

CLARKE: It matters to the investor. Location, location. That’s the whole problem with the West Bank. Everybody wants the location.

DAWE: The Prime Minister has launched Australia’s bid for a seat on the Security Council.

CLARKE: He has. “We listen. We partner. We protect.”

DAWE: Who do we listen to?

CLARKE: Everybody. That’s the listening.

DAWE: The Palestinian Authority asked for the ban.

CLARKE: And we heard them. Beautifully. You could have heard a pin drop.

DAWE: We partner.

CLARKE: With everybody.

DAWE: The twelve countries were our partners.

CLARKE: Right up until they did something. Then they were doing something, and we were partnering.

DAWE: We protect.

CLARKE: That’s where we’re very strong.

DAWE: Protect who?

CLARKE: Australian businesses, Palestinians and Israelis.

DAWE: In that order.

CLARKE: Alphabetical.

DAWE: Bids for the E1 settlement tender close on the fifth of October.

CLARKE: That’s very soon.

DAWE: Will Australia act before then?

CLARKE: I can say this. Australia will take decisive action at the appropriate time.

DAWE: Thanks for your time.

CLARKE: Any time. Well. Not this one.

The facts Dawe puts to Clarke are on the record: the late withdrawal, the Minister’s order of concern, the Palestinian Authority’s support, the shekel grants, the Sydney and Melbourne property events, the ICJ’s words and the E1 closing date. Clarke’s answers are satire. The long version, prompted by the admirable work in Rachel Withers’ typically intrepid analysis in Crikey, follows.

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