Bryan Dawe sits at his desk. John Clarke enters in a suit, slightly hurried, carrying a reusable shopping bag with “ALBO” written on it in texta.
Dawe: Mr Albanese, thank you for coming in.
Clarke: Always a pleasure, Bryan. Happy to speak to the Australian people. Transparency is very important to me.
Dawe: Let’s start with the troops.
Clarke: Certainly.
Dawe: The ones you sent to the Middle East.
Clarke: Yes.
Dawe: Without telling anyone.
Clarke: We told the relevant people.
Dawe: Who were they?
Clarke: The people it was relevant to tell.
Dawe: And who was that?
Clarke: I’m not able to go into that for reasons of operational security.
Dawe: So not the public.
Clarke: The public is represented through appropriate channels.
Dawe: Which are?
Clarke: The appropriate ones.
Dawe: Right. And these troops.
Clarke: Elements of our defence capability.
Dawe: The SAS.
Clarke: I’m not going to confirm or deny specific units.
Dawe: The SAS.
Clarke: I’m not going to confirm that.
Dawe: The SAS.
Clarke: Nor deny it.
Dawe: The same SAS examined by the Brereton Inquiry.
Clarke: The Brereton Inquiry dealt with historical matters.
Dawe: Which were noted.
Clarke: Appropriately.
Dawe: And acted on.
Clarke: Through appropriate processes.
Dawe: At the appropriate time.
Clarke: Exactly.
Dawe: Which is when.
Clarke: These things take time, Bryan.
Dawe: You’ve sent them back.
Clarke: We have deployed elements of our defence capability.
Dawe: Back into a war zone.
Clarke: Into an operational environment.
Dawe: Did Parliament approve this?
Clarke: Parliament has been kept informed.
Dawe: Before or after.
Clarke: (pause) Parliament is part of an ongoing consultative process.
Dawe: With yourself.
Clarke: With relevant stakeholders.
Dawe: Right.
(pause)
Dawe: On the first day of the conflict, a missile struck a girls’ primary school in southern Iran.
Clarke: That is a very concerning report.
Dawe: It killed a large number of children.
Clarke: Any loss of innocent life is a tragedy.
Dawe: And Australia provides intelligence through Pine Gap.
Clarke: Pine Gap is a joint facility that serves important strategic functions.
Dawe: For the people firing the missiles.
Clarke: It operates under longstanding arrangements.
Dawe: Which we can’t discuss.
Clarke: Certain aspects are classified.
Dawe: So we can’t discuss the troops.
Clarke: Operational matters.
Dawe: We can’t discuss Pine Gap.
Clarke: Classified matters.
Dawe: We can’t discuss the parliamentary process.
Clarke: Procedural matters.
Dawe: What can we discuss?
Clarke: Australia’s position is very clear.
Dawe: Which is?
Clarke: We support the United States.
Dawe: In what.
Clarke: In acting to prevent Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon.
Dawe: Did Iran have one?
Clarke: That is a matter of intelligence assessment.
Dawe: Your own intelligence said they didn’t.
Clarke: Intelligence evolves.
Dawe: Does it evolve before or after the missiles.
Clarke: It is a dynamic process.
(pause)
Dawe: The United States is also imposing tariffs on Australia.
Clarke: We are engaged in constructive discussions.
Dawe: While supporting their war.
Clarke: While maintaining our alliance.
Dawe: While petrol prices rise.
Clarke: The global energy situation is complex.
Dawe: And the supermarket.
Clarke: Supply chains are under pressure.
Dawe: And the pharmacy.
Clarke: We are monitoring the situation closely.
Dawe: While sending troops you haven’t announced to a war you haven’t explained.
Clarke: Bryan, I want to be very clear.
Dawe: Please.
Clarke: Australia believes in the rules-based international order.
(long pause)
Dawe: That’s the explanation.
Clarke: And the importance of alliances in maintaining stability.
Dawe: Of course.
(pause)
Dawe: Mr Albanese, are you aware that John Howard did this.
Clarke: Did what.
Dawe: Backed a United States war. No evidence. No mandate. No legal basis. Said all the same things.
Clarke: (pause) I am nothing like John Howard.
Dawe: No.
Clarke: John Howard was a conservative who put his political interests ahead of the Australian people.
Dawe: (nods) Right.
(longer pause)
Clarke: (quietly) I have another engagement.
Dawe: Of course.
Clarke: But I want to assure Australians that everything we are doing is being done with full regard for their—
Dawe: Transparency.
Clarke: — safety and security.
Clarke exits. He leaves the shopping bag behind.
Dawe looks at camera.
Dawe: The Prime Minister of Australia.
(pause)
Dawe: He left his shopping.
(pause)
Dawe: We’re paying for it.
Mr Wronski Clarke-Dawe, you’ve done it again!
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