Category: • Politics • National Security • Satire • Australia

The $9 Trillion Net Zero Lie: How the Coalition Turned Investment Into a Scare Campaign

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When a political party starts throwing around numbers with more zeros than Peter Dutton had votes left in Dickson, you know you’re not getting economic analysis, you’re getting a con job. The Coalition’s $9 trillion net zero scare campaign is the latest instalment in a decades-long franchise of climate hysteria, from Whyalla’s promised obliteration to the $100 lamb roast that never arrived. But this time, the real cost is the one they never mention: the price Australians are already paying for a lost decade of delay, obstruction and weaponised ignorance.

The Goon Show Goes On

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A goon show. That’s what Paul Keating called it. ASIO chief Mike Burgess, a Marina Abramović in drag, runs political theatre dressed as national security, kneecapping the Albanese government’s China diplomacy with strategically timed intelligence bombshells. The pattern repeats, the press reports dutifully, and Australian foreign policy shifts without anyone deciding anything.

Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese speaking, illustrating post-election government scrutiny and accountability concerns

The Government That Isn’t: Labor’s Masterclass in Looking Busy

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They gave him 94 seats and a mandate like no other. But barely five months after his landslide re-election, Anthony Albanese’s government is already disappointing voters. From FOI requests plunging to just 25% approval, to $1 million in climate travel in two months, to a housing policy that makes homes less affordable—the second-term complacency is real. As independent MPs note: “We couldn’t go any lower than Morrison, but we have.”

Composite editorial image showing Australian leaders on a glossy stage beside a model submarine and US flag, with faded historical scenes of Gallipoli, Vietnam and Iraq in the background.

The Tyranny of Delusion: How Australia Keeps Fighting Yesterday’s Wars

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AUKUS is the culmination of our imperial hangover. It combines obsolete technology in an age of drones with geography that defeats its purpose, industrial bottlenecks that guarantee delay, and a strategic rationale contradicted by its authors. Political cowardice is dressed as resolve. We are spending a generation’s wealth on submarines we probably will not get, cannot crew, cannot fuel, to fight wars Washington has already priced out of its plans.

Alt Text: "John Howard during Tampa crisis and Pauline Hanson in fish shop representing political appropriation of One Nation rhetoric"

Ask Not What You Can Do for One Nation—But What Has One Nation Ever Done for Anybody?

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If Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships, Pauline Hanson has the face that launched a thousand chips. But the real story isn’t about Hanson at all—it’s about Long John Howard, who stole her racism in the 1990s, laundered it through the language of sovereignty and security, and left both major parties trapped in a political theatre he built thirty years ago.
One Nation polls at 14% between elections but collapsed to 6.4% in May—the evergreen boost that never makes it to the ballot box. Yet even with Anthony Albanese’s historic landslide, Labor still governs within Howard’s frame, still talks tough on “border security,” still uses his language. The government changes. The script endures.
From Barnaby Joyce playing pantaloon to Hanson serving up warmed-over resentment with extra chicken salt, this is how we all ended up living in Howard’s Australia.