Australia’s teen social media ban was sold as child protection. In reality, it crystallises platform power over basic infrastructure. Meta writes the rules. Snapchat implements ConnectID. Parliament ratifies what’s already been decided. This isn’t regulation—it’s regulatory capture dressed up as safety. And the pattern repeats everywhere: gig work, aged care, digital advertising. We’re becoming silicon serfs to a billionaire tech oligarchy that already runs too much of the world.